There’s a lot of filth on the Internet, and occasionally it’s nice to draw the curtains, open a bottle of Chateauneuf Du Pape and lose yourself in it. However, like the jaded, French aristocrats we are, we long ago tired of the pleasures of the flesh. Oiled mammal skin holds no more titillation for us in our spanked-out and degenerate dotage; we’ve seen it all. Similarly we are dead to the charms of fast-cars, lolcats and Obamagifs. In fact, the only thing that really raises our temperatures in these last days of Gomorrah is gastro-porn.

Simon Rogan’s arousing L’enclume fare is one of the few things that gets us up

This is handy, as our previously secret and shame-soaked peccadillo seems to be becoming rather more mainstream. There’s a trend at the moment for restaurants, be they pop-up, long established or brand-spanking new, to pump out the kind of videos that make us get out of bed in the morning and make poached quails’ eggs over sautéed venison heart. Whilst our fetish becoming socially acceptable kind of dims the thrill for us, it also has opened up a whole new wealth of materials to get our sticky jam-slathered hands into.

Take this beautiful film by renound foodie director Helen Downing of Pulse. It has everything that gets us going; lovely cinematography, beguiling macro shots of unbelievable food and the promise of actual lasting happiness were you to eat said food.

Young Turks at The Ten Bells from Pulse Films on Vimeo.

Another thing that seems to have become au-fait is for cult restaurants to toss tasty digital morsels at the braying crowds in the form of how-toos. Take for example Peruvian magician’s Ceviche’s video unveiling the secrets of their ridiculously good signature dish. However, I refuse to believe I could make anything as good the smily man in the clean shirt could with my flailing tentacles and questionable home-equipment.

How to make the perfect ceviche from Cristina Patiño Sheen on Vimeo.

Stay tuned for our offering to the table of fruity food vids, which we’re not YET allowed to talk about (because it’s too good.) But basically it out-porns porn. See the teaser here

We love food.

The end.