DIREKTIN

As you all know, the entire inter-sphere is ablaze with the news of our imminent expansion into a collective of multiple directors. On this, the eve of our big unveil, we thought it pertinent, ney, relevant to introduce them slowly by way of their own favourite directors. This litmus test of taste has been scientifically designed to sort the wheat from the chaff, root out the weirdoes and flag up any potential concerns you/we may have about their propensity to like good shit. It’s nice to know what people who watch A LOT of films like, as the parts of their minds that haven’t yet rotted away contain an enormous backlog of pop-culture reference. We predict it will prove a useful resource for mankind in the future when aliens do finally take over, the Titanic sinks again and the children of Midwich start acting a bit weird; at that point their superior knowledge can finally be utilised. For now let’s just judge them ruthlessly by their choices, as we also predict this will be a chin-stroking geek-off, but see if you agree with our pretension ratings *
* A note on the points system: If the director is foreign sounding, you get two points, American sounding minus one point, a woman is plus one point, dead is also plus one point, if the director has depicted scenes of genital mutilation, plus one point, has had a relationship with a family member/animal, plus one point. The rest of the point system is purely whimsical and arbitrary.

Matt Woods – The sensitive one
1. Woody Allen
2. Andrei Tarkovsky

5/10 points – 4 for having a controversial Soviet film maker, 3 points for having a neurotic self-obsessive who married his own step-daughter, minus 2 points as Woody Allen is actually quite popular with the mainstream aswell as being so sexually conflicted.

Mark Jewitt – The twitchy one
1.Chris Cunningham
2.Michel Gondry

6/10 points, 4 for choosing a music video director who mainly makes incredibly disturbing work, 4 points for choosing Gondry, who after all is FRENCH, however then minus 2 points as he made a film with Jim Carrey in it, nuff said.

Amy Watson – The token girl
1.David Lynch-four words “eye of the duck”
2.Sofia Coppola

5/10 points, unfortunately both are American although one is a WOmAN..but then what would you expect from a woman director…

Nick Marchant – The passionate one
1.Krzysztof Kieslowski
2.Terrence Malick

9/10 points, mainly for how difficult it was to type Krzysztof and how many hours he must have watched the three colours trilogy for, secondly for how weird Malick’s Tree of Life is

Oli – The technical one
1. Wes Anderson
2. Ron Shelton

4/10 points, Wes is the master of whimsy and all, and White Men Can’t Jump is an ACE film, but I just don’t see enough hate and pain in either men’s films to award a higher pretension rating.

Andy- the busy one*
(* unfortunately for the purposes of this novelty quiz, Andy is abroad filming stuff SO we chose for him, based on what our MD Thea likes)
1.Stanley Kubrick
2.Mike Leigh

6/10 points, again not quite enough controversy/obscurity with either choice although we guess Lolita kind of pushed the envelope a bit and the Shining was real scary and all, but godamnit no one was weird enough.

WINNER: NICK MARCHANT